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There are so many things we want to teach our kids. Riding their bike. Reading. Hell, just manners. But there are some key lessons that I think if kids can learn early, will give them (and you, because c'mon, we are drowning in this parenting gig sometimes) a more joyful life as they go through childhood, the teenage years, and onto adulthood. And one of my favorite things I attempt to pass on to my kids is the art of joyful living.
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Disclaimer: While I enjoy living joyfully, I am a really snarky person with an occasionally dark sense of humor. When I talk about living joyfully, I'm not talking about sunshine, daisies, puppies, vanilla, peppy-24/7 kind of joy. Mocking things with my sister is one of my favorite pastimes, along with the Walking Dead and raging rock shows. I'm talking about a perspective on life that allows you to experience the wonder of it daily, no matter what kind of person you are.
Allow Them to Dally
If there is one thing parents are really, really good at, it's juggling a million activities and racing from one thing to the next. There is SO MUCH to always be on top of, to pack, to change, to make sure is happening...SO MUCH MANAGING TO DO. And we get terribly used to that breakneck pace.
I was at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago with my oldest son, Griffin, who was 3 at the time. Between habitats, Griffin fixated on some crunchy snow and wanted to break it all up...and there was a ton of it surrounding the exhibit we were exiting. My initial response was to laugh a little, crunch it a bit, and then ask him to move on. He begged to stay...and I was about to push him onto the next exhibit when I had this sudden flashback. The week before, I was shopping with him and had passed a shoe display and wanted to look at the shoes. Griffin was pulling on me to keep going and I sternly asked him to be patient as I looked at the things I wanted to look at. He pouted but waited.
This snow was Griffin's shoe display. And I was being the impatient toddler.
Surely I could do as well as he did at the store.
So I stood there and let him have as much time as he wanted, crunching snow around the entire building. I had the time that day, but just hadn't realized I could do this. I had to ignore my knee-jerk response to keep us moving along and getting to the next thing. I fidgeted the way a toddler does, but I made it. I gave him his time and I had to deal with slowing down. It's dreadfully uncomfortable sometimes.
Note: I do not mean that you have to do this EVERY time. Sometimes, we just don't have the time to dally. But when we do, I think it's so important to do; it balances out our speedy, fast life and shifts our perspective to enjoying a slower pace of living. AND I guarantee you, your kid will be much more gracious when you ask them to move along as you develop a relationship where you value each other's delights.
This snow was Griffin's shoe display. And I was being the impatient toddler.
Surely I could do as well as he did at the store.
So I stood there and let him have as much time as he wanted, crunching snow around the entire building. I had the time that day, but just hadn't realized I could do this. I had to ignore my knee-jerk response to keep us moving along and getting to the next thing. I fidgeted the way a toddler does, but I made it. I gave him his time and I had to deal with slowing down. It's dreadfully uncomfortable sometimes.
Note: I do not mean that you have to do this EVERY time. Sometimes, we just don't have the time to dally. But when we do, I think it's so important to do; it balances out our speedy, fast life and shifts our perspective to enjoying a slower pace of living. AND I guarantee you, your kid will be much more gracious when you ask them to move along as you develop a relationship where you value each other's delights.
Teach Them To See Beauty
"Mama, come see da sun...set. It's so beyuutiful."
As a wedding photographer, I often have to scout locations prior to a wedding and find the swoon-worthy backgrounds, chart where the sun will land at different times, and explore for special nooks and crannies. From the beginning, I had little Griffin at home with me, so I brought him along whenever I scouted. It was such an incredibly special time, pointing out the way the sun glittered through the trees, a lovely prairie filled with heathered grasses and wildflowers, and older buildings with a history and beauty earned only through time. We would spend hours discovering the magic of a property (even challenging properties with barely a hint of whim).
As Griffin grew, he began pointing out the way the colors reflected on the clouds during sunsets, or the rain dripping off the leaves in weaving patterns...my sweet boy had learned to see the details of the world that are there for everyone to enjoy...as long as we take the time to see them.
I didn't quite realize the lesson I was teaching him, I was merely enjoying exploring with my little boy while I did my job, but I quickly learned the value of our experience and now aim to do the same with my youngest boys, even if I'm not scouting weddings at the moment. Noticing the beauty in everyday life takes practice...it doesn't always happen naturally in our fast-paced world.
As Griffin grew, he began pointing out the way the colors reflected on the clouds during sunsets, or the rain dripping off the leaves in weaving patterns...my sweet boy had learned to see the details of the world that are there for everyone to enjoy...as long as we take the time to see them.
I didn't quite realize the lesson I was teaching him, I was merely enjoying exploring with my little boy while I did my job, but I quickly learned the value of our experience and now aim to do the same with my youngest boys, even if I'm not scouting weddings at the moment. Noticing the beauty in everyday life takes practice...it doesn't always happen naturally in our fast-paced world.
Let Them Get Bored...A Lot
I enjoy being what me and one of my best friends call a "lazy parent". I like my own time to do my own thing, and I like when my kids find their own things to do. So I will put in the elbow grease in the beginning if it means I end up with a kid that can wander off and find their own fun for awhile.
BUT
the first week of letting your kid get bored SUUUUUCKS.
They ask you to do things all the time, whine about how there is nothing to do, and beg you for screen time.
I mean, I get it. I HATE BEING WITHOUT SCREENS MYSELF.
But when I'm bored is when my creative side of my brain starts taking over and ideas start splattering around, looking for an outlet. Help your children hone that skill...to unlock their creativity. In boredom, innovation is born. They will build forts or daydream or read or explore...or better yet, have their own revelations about the world around them...they just need to get bored enough to do it in the first place.
Give their minds a chance to marinate in a slow world.
BUT
the first week of letting your kid get bored SUUUUUCKS.
They ask you to do things all the time, whine about how there is nothing to do, and beg you for screen time.
I mean, I get it. I HATE BEING WITHOUT SCREENS MYSELF.
But when I'm bored is when my creative side of my brain starts taking over and ideas start splattering around, looking for an outlet. Help your children hone that skill...to unlock their creativity. In boredom, innovation is born. They will build forts or daydream or read or explore...or better yet, have their own revelations about the world around them...they just need to get bored enough to do it in the first place.
Give their minds a chance to marinate in a slow world.
Add Dancing to Just About Everything
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I'm not a good dancer. You don't have to be. And maybe if you can't see yourself dancing with your kid, you find another way to experience giddy silliness with them while also creating some intimacy as you do it together, but I've found that dancing is the very best at achieving those things with my kids. While doing the dishes, cooking, vacuuming, putting away clothes...I'll blast music and we'll shake our booties all over the house. Do some silly walks from Monty Python. Pick them up and spin them around. Do your best Beyonce moves. Whatever it is, do it together and laugh your way through drudgery like laundry and tidying up bedrooms. Or use a dance party as a reward for getting through chores or homework.
Alternatively, sometimes put on something beautiful and slow, and help teach them to recognize the mood of the music. To feel what it is communicating. My son loves dancing to how the music feels. It's a very attentive way of listening to music for a kid and is a wonderful introduction to empathy. I love getting goofy and silly and dancing our way through boring household tasks, but I also love our slower moments where my sons wrap their arms around me and we dance around the living room "elegantly" to Bach or whimsically to Gluck. I know we are having fun, but also learning to cherish each other to a level I'm not sure I could have achieved another way.
Alternatively, sometimes put on something beautiful and slow, and help teach them to recognize the mood of the music. To feel what it is communicating. My son loves dancing to how the music feels. It's a very attentive way of listening to music for a kid and is a wonderful introduction to empathy. I love getting goofy and silly and dancing our way through boring household tasks, but I also love our slower moments where my sons wrap their arms around me and we dance around the living room "elegantly" to Bach or whimsically to Gluck. I know we are having fun, but also learning to cherish each other to a level I'm not sure I could have achieved another way.
Give Them Chores
I know, I'm talking about joy, not discipline, so what are chores doing here?
There is immense satisfaction to be found in a job well done. And children experience this like no other. Yes, they'll complain about their chores sometimes, but if you can help make the experience fun (through above suggestions), praise them for hard work as they work, and delight in the finished product, you'll have a beaming child that often can't wait to help with whatever you need them to clean next. Excitement over this waxes and wanes, so don't come back to me upset when your kid is grumbling constantly about chores...that's just part of the deal (see boredom section above).
Chores (a kid word for "everyday duties") are essential to a purposeful life, and learning how to do them well and to completion daily is an incredible lesson to your child, and one they will take with them into adulthood. Work ethic is one of the most important things any of us can possess, and as parents, one of the best things we can help our children cultivate.
There is immense satisfaction to be found in a job well done. And children experience this like no other. Yes, they'll complain about their chores sometimes, but if you can help make the experience fun (through above suggestions), praise them for hard work as they work, and delight in the finished product, you'll have a beaming child that often can't wait to help with whatever you need them to clean next. Excitement over this waxes and wanes, so don't come back to me upset when your kid is grumbling constantly about chores...that's just part of the deal (see boredom section above).
Chores (a kid word for "everyday duties") are essential to a purposeful life, and learning how to do them well and to completion daily is an incredible lesson to your child, and one they will take with them into adulthood. Work ethic is one of the most important things any of us can possess, and as parents, one of the best things we can help our children cultivate.
Have you found ways to teach your children how to slow down, be grateful, and see beauty? I'd love to hear them!
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